EXTERNALISED SELF-WORTH

Our sense of worth is externalised when we inadvertently give our personal value away to what we have acquired, what we do, and what we think other people think or feel towards us. This often unconscious decision leaves us dependent, waiting at the end of dole queue or floating like a leaf in a storm water drain, waiting to be treasured. When we keep looking outside of ourselves for confirmation of our fundamental value we can never get enough to fill up the empty hole. We can convince ourselves that if we have improved grades, a better job, more money, lose weight, find an intimate partner, get fitter, have plastic surgery, buy more expensive clothing, live somewhere else, win another award, publish another paper, travel somewhere, save the world, drive the latest model car, have a baby, never slow down, spend every second in conversation, or anything else you can imagine, we will fill the empty hole of not being enough!

The truth is that our value or worth is our inherent birthright- for  each, and everyone of us. Babies do not have to do anything at all to be valuable - the only have to be. Each one of us was once a baby and this is also your birthright. Developing a sound and unwavering internal sense of your own unconditional value can be very challenging in a world where the superficial and the material dominate our popular culture and we can become caught in constantly comparing ourselves - either negatively or positively with other people.

You are unique! I strongly encourage you with all my heart and soul to move out of being a fair weather friend with yourself. You are probably not like that with anyone else and this constant pattern of handing over your worth to someone or something else is a very fragile foundation about which to live and to thrive. It is a bit like the story of the three little pigs, where two of the little pigs built their houses out of straw and wood only to have them decimated by the big bad wolf. The third little pig did the hard work and built his house out of sturdy brick- he was then able to protect himself and also his two terrified brother pigs in his very solid house of safety, abundance and delight.  Your safe, compassionate and wise foundational relationship with yourself can similarly help to buffer, protect and delight you with all that your life has been, currently is and will become- no matter what!

You could choose right now that the Essence of you is profoundly valuable - even if no-one  has ever told you that or treated you in that way. You could choose to keep coming back to this Truth no matter how frequently or how far you stray. That does not mean that you might not also choose to learn from your experience, change unhelpful  behaviour and consider ways that you might live and flourish that are  more consistent with your own core guiding principles or ethics and what is also in the interests of you own health and that of our communities.

© J.N Higgins 2017