The Intersection between Hope and Recovery
I am a survivor of complex intergenerational trauma. Such a reality is not something I have previously acknowledged in a public manner for very many reasons. I have learnt to be present, righteously angry, cry, deeply connect with myself, be safe and reciprocal with other people, and laugh, live, and flourish. I have and do have the unearned privileges of being born with white skin and the opportunity for free tertiary education at a time of full employment and accessible cheap housing. I experienced teachers who saw, valued, and encouraged me.
I committed to not ending my own life, no matter how painful or problematic. I quietly and privately reached out for help that sometimes included crisis lines. I sought periodic in-person professional support and direction, which was variable in quality. I learnt to advocate strongly on my behalf in critical areas of my life.
I have a loving, long-term partner and some warm, funny, reciprocal friends.
Over time, I took up martial arts, meditation, mindfulness and yoga practices because they helped me to step back from my feelings, thoughts, and bodily reactions and to acquire skill in separating the past from the present. I practised recognising and responding constructively to ongoing "triggering". I cut off from violating people - entirely at times- and selectively at other times. I eventually chose not to abuse substances because it was unsafe.
I engage in deep reflective journaling. Team activities and sports helped me connect with something bigger than each individual, and I accepted invited leadership roles.
Like many traumatised people, spending lots of time in nature and experiencing awe calmed and engaged me. Walking and kayaking in the bush allow me to join sincerely in the fascinating circle of life. Grieving was and remains hard - simply a truth that lives.
I read voraciously and pursued other forms of continuing education that assisted my understanding. I travelled extensively, both locally and internationally - especially alone - which taught me about my capability, determination, courage, and incredible fortune to be born into greater equality of opportunity.
Seeking out - although less frequently finding - warm and reciprocal connections makes my heart sing. Listening, speaking and writing in advocacy for other people and animals helped my healing have a safer and more legitimised voice. I have found passion, purpose, joy and sometimes exhaustion in co-facilitating transformational change in my clinical, research and teaching roles.
I now take full responsibility for how I respond to life, even if I do not always behave responsibly. I listen very carefully to myself, to others, and to our world. I have met the many gifts and challenges of co-raising children. I continue navigating a complex life with my partner, adult children, grandchildren, and supportive friends with love, honesty, humility, tenderness, humour, joy and delight. I create my days in terms of what I can control and mainly let go of the rest.
My ten years of formal academic psychological training did not adequately prepare me to deal with the despair, devastation, hopelessness, disgust, terror and rage I was to encounter in my work. I discovered that I had to learn to listen, accept, contain and authentically validate the reality of other deeply hurting people and then genuinely negotiate the timing and nature of any interventions and other present and future directions.
Most people I have seen through many decades are incredibly perceptive to incongruence. This perceptiveness has frequently been a matter of survival! I try to live what I teach. Through this truth, I endeavour to embody vulnerability, compassion, unconditional deep regard for the essence of each of us, clear and healthy boundaries, courage, determination, and discriminating use of energy, patience, humour, faith, joy and hope.
The experienced safety of a chosen and discerned professional relationship can offer a base to create, experiment with and implement new life pathways.
Creating new meanings concerning the self, understanding of the past, and present and new options for the future challenge many accepted notions. Our biology, psychology, or cultural, economic, educational, social, or political backgrounds do not necessarily determine who we are, whom we will remain, or become.
Simultaneously, deep, tender and realistic acknowledgment of profound, shocking and often repeated experiences of being victimised, getting lost and giving up are critical to integrated healing and ongoing development.
Our brains can build new neural pathways and networks with our presence, determination and courage.
I have had the privilege to experience, witness and validate this remarkable capacity for decades.
With safety, compassion and wisdom, we can profoundly change how we respond in our bodies and to our feelings, thoughts and behaviours, and in our ways of relating to self, circumstances and environment. Setbacks and multiple felt reminders can sometimes send you into a downward spiral. Nonetheless, you can learn to enjoy the scary and exhilarating freedom of real choices in the present and your future.
Let me paint you a picture. If you were to find and work with a caring, skilled and knowledgeable treatment practitioner, it would eventually be as if you are your car's driver - even if it is pretty battered and you sorely lack confidence. At your invitation, this practitioner will become one of your professional navigators. In the first instance, you may allow this person to sit in the front passenger seat. Eventually, you will increasingly listen to and respond to your navigational knowledge and wisdom. As you progress on this road, the practitioner will shift to your car's back seat. As you eventually approach your negotiated goals for your present and future, you gently drop the practitioner off on the footpath. This person will become one of many resources you can draw upon when and if you need such expertise.
Please consider also visiting my other website, empoweredwisdom.com.au, where the focus is on the processes and resources that facilitate further growth and freedom to flourish in the personal, group, community and societal areas.
https://www.empoweredwisdom.com.au